Take what you need, Leave what you don't...

Last night at lecture I had my first major conflict with Yoga... I knew it was bound to happen considering I believe in Jesus, but I didn't expect to be so completely overwhelming.

Ever since considering taking this 200 hour certification, I've struggled with the possible contradiction of my beliefs. I've talked with Stella (my good friend and yoga teacher) about all of my concerns and she helped me understand the following. Yoga is not a religion. While it is based in Hinduism, the western style of yoga is about being true to yourself, honoring your body, and loving yourself and others. I prayed and prayed to God and asked Him to show me clarity because I don't want to be separated from Him EVER! Daily I pray that He would show me if and when I cross the line into something that He doesn't appreciate. Daily I pray that He would bind satan from me and that my yoga would be a form of praise to Him and only Him. By doing so I am able to feel more comfortable with all of the "Hindu" influences of yoga and simply interpret them in my own way to give glory to God. Even in class when we listen to certain music, I find myself either tuning it out or changing the lyrics to praise Jesus.

Well last night I got freaked out and am now seriously conflicted. Last night we worked on pranyama (breath) and meditation. My senses were already heightened due to all the fresh oxygen in my system, so when we made it to mantra meditation I was extremely vulnerable. When I saw the words that Stella wrote on the white board I considered leaving, but decided to keep an open mind and stay to see what would happen. Part of me regrets staying and the other part is very pleased with what came out of me remaining in the room. Basically, what was written on the board was a simple chant: Hare Krishna and Hare Rama. Hare means "All Hail" or "Praise." We were asked to sing these words together along with the song on the stereo. Now being a Jesus Lover, I'm against praising or hailing anyone but Him, so the fact that people were singing praises to Krishna and Rama really bugged me!!! I'm not about to sit in yoga class (where half the people don't know who or what they believe in) and tell them that singing Hare Krishna is wrong. However, I was completely uncomfortable and immediately began crying (if you know me well enough, this shouldn't come as a surprise to you).

I cried throughout the entire mantra meditation...the tears just wouldn't stop. The whole time they were singing I was praying, praying, praying! Praying for God to protect me, praying for peace, praying for Him to show me what to do. Luckily, this was the last portion of our lecture, so we discussed for a few minutes and then were done for the night. Stella immediately knew something was wrong and told me to stay and talk. I love Stella for knowing me so well...the first sentence I said: "I'm feeling really conflicted" had not even finished coming out of my mouth before she responded "I know." She knew I wasn't singing the mantra without even looking at me. She and Tobi (our other teacher) sat and talked with me, listened to me, and helped me a lot. They explained their views (some of which I am still gnawing on) and their feelings. I explained that if any more mantra lessons were included that I would probably not be attending that particular portion of the certification and that I'd make up my hours missed by doing something else. Of course they understood and are completely behind my decision.

I'm still praying and still trying to decide what to do. I know that my faith is strong and my reaction to the mantra last night proves that. I know that God is protecting me, but I'm still fearful. However, I'm also grateful. Grateful for Tobi and Stella, that they remained open and respectful to my beliefs and tried to understand where I was coming from as best they could. Grateful to God for giving me such a sensitive spirit, so that I am always aware of what I'm feeling. Grateful that I am learning how to deal with those feelings in a healthy way (by actually talking about them and not letting them fester...I'll tell you more about my realization about that later). Grateful that I have the chance to experience this. Most of all I'm grateful for Tobi, who gave me a new mantra last night: Take what you need, Leave what you don't. So from now on, I'm taking from this experience only that which will strengthen my faith and my love for Christ, and I'll be leaving what threatens to tear me way from Him. Amen.